I miss you so much!
My dinner before I wrote this post- instant noodles, snow pea shoots and braised pork and mushrooms (frozen-packed with love for me by my mom) all nuked in the microwave! Fast and simple *yummy*
After you left, I still breathed, but living itself had lost the wonderful lustre and promise it once held.
My deep-seated unhappiness, self-doubt and self-destructive thoughts, ever present in the fringes of my conciousness, unfurled like coiled scorpions and infused deadly venom, poisoning my sentient mind and even my listless sleep.
You've achieved nothing in your life.
You're fat, ugly, unattractive. Nobody will ever love you. Nobody has the time to care.
You're a lazy chronic procrastinating underachiever.
Countless are the times in the past month when I awoke with a lump in my throat and a sense of lingering, insecure unhappiness, frantically tryng to grasp helplessly at the wisps of a dream that slips through my sleepy consciousness like a fluffy white cloud.
Not a moment went by, when I didn't think of you. Yearn for you.
For God's sake, I was crazy about you! One minute you were there, the next you were gone! Lying, conniving SOB that you were, I still missed you.
I pined for the thrilling, pulse racing exhilaration that I felt when I was with you, but at the same time I also longed for the comfortable sense of belonging.
If Yoga were a person, I would declare here and now, unequivocally without any hesitation or doubt in my very lucid mind (I swear I'm not under influence of any substances), that I have found true love!
After a month and more of not attending my beloved yoga classes due to the Yogazone Fiasco, where to cut a long and painful story short, cheated a lot of money from innocent people just wanting to exercise (like myself) who are still paying monthly installment for nothing, I finally went for yoga classes yesterday and today at the Cheras branch- now under the new management, called Urban Yoga. They're offering free classes until end of this month, thereafter they will start charging, a cheaper rate for ex-Yogazone membes. It's not fair at all, but I can't think of any better alternatives.
I feel incredibly good about myself now. It's amazing what two hours spent stretching and sweating can do for your disposition. I feel alert and alive.
Life is worth living afterall. :D
Oh, I also thought I'd share a mantra to chant, effective for those bleak moments when you feel like it's just you against the world. I'll share it here since it works for me sometimes, just in case anyone is in need of a pick-me-up :D
Learn and grow though it maybe painful.
You need to feel deep sadness so that you can cherish and appreciate true happiness.
What cannot kill you, can only make you stronger.