The end is the beginning is the end
"Is it bright where you are, have the people changed?" -Smashing Pumpkins-
As I write this, I hope with all sincerity that you are in a better place- free of your suffering, free of the agonizing pain, free of the awful indignities that have trapped you for the last months of your life.
I imagine you in a place of lightness and serenity where you walk tall and strong amidst the gentle sloping mountains and the crystal clear lakes, immortalized in the way that I have known you all my life and, I picture you with a gentle smile on your face as you calmly gaze upon the peaceful scene and the capricious breeze ruffles your hair that is always neatly combed and always will be forever more.
No one can begin to fathom how terrible it must have been and you must have wondered many times, what you did wrong to deserve the shorter end of the stick. I am sorry that you had to suffer and I could not help you more.
Although losing you is heartbreaking to us, I would like you to know, if you don't already that I find myself encouraged and strengthened by the positive impact your demise has had on us who have yet to cross to the other side. We are reminded of what truly matters in life- that life is short and unpredictable and that you should truly cherish the people around you who matter the most to you as you never know when is the last time you will ever see them, laugh with them or hold them close. Cliched you may say, but such are life's stark realities.
I see forgiveness, I see generosity in spirit, time, energy and money, I see sincerity and quiet strength in the people closest to you and me. We should remember that we should not be afraid to trouble family in times of need. For that, I am thankful you have opened our eyes anew and for all your suffering, you have imparted upon us a priceless gift and lesson that I hope everyone close to us will take to heart and live life differently from before- a new beginning for our family.
And even as I mourn your end, I find myself experiencing the new beginning of a blissful kind of buoyant, uplifting happiness- the kind that is dangerous- because in a flip and cruel twist of fate, it would be horribly painful to lose. What's that people say about love and hate- that they are on the different sides of the same coin?
Wherever you are my kow foo, I hope it is bright.
Labels: Me myself and I