Not Just Another Pretty Face

Re-discovering myself

Bullying of freshman Will by his arch enemy in Sky High

If my tumultous teenage years were filled with angst at my parents/nosy relatives, constantly feeling painfully conspicuous about my appearance, (like a microorganism on a slide under an electron miscroscope) and low self-esteem, my 20s has me confused about other deeper, more intricately complicated issues.

Beliefs that I thought were carved into me, being shakened and questioned. And this time around, it's even more scary, because unlike in my teenage years, in my 20s, I actually have the power to do what I want, within logical limits of course.

Although cliched, the quote "With great power, comes great responsibility" from the movie Spiderman aptly epitomizes what I am feeling. The realization that you have the power to do what you want and yet, not knowing if what you're doing is correct. And the realization that you have to bear the consequences of what you do, be it good or bad.

One of my fav scenes from Spiderman

No longer is there a parent or teacher figure to tell you, "That is wrong" or "That is correct."

Worst still, in most situations, there is only a fine line -if there is even any- between what is black and what is white. There is usually always a dubious, grey area that is anybody's game.

Feeling ill equipped to make decisions for myself is what has me in this turmoil. Unsure of what I want is another. Stress from peers that your early 20s is the time you either make it or break it also affects me more than I care to admit.

At 24, there is so much yet to be experienced, yet to be seen and yet to be tried. The future holds so much uncertainty that it scares me. And yet, paradoxically, it's these uncertainties that adds spice to life. I find it surprisingly that it's the little nitty gritty, everyday decisions that has me in limbo.

Should I go out of my way to help someone ie, be obliging? I am naturally, but what if they keep coming back for more and more?

Should I continue to hang on to a friendship that seems merely one way? When the person says they are too busy one time too many, are they really too busy? Or...?

Is making use of someone bad, or is it OK if it's two way?

How do you evaluate who is worth your time and who isn't ie, how do you prioritize your valuable time?

And the ultimate:

What should you do when you feel that you're being taken advantage of?

a) Assess that person and his/her benefit to you. If no use, reject and reduce contact, if got use, layan only-la, wat2do?

b) Tell that person straight "I don't like to be made use of/make use of people"

c) Jokingly tell that person, "You ask me do this, next time you must help me-ar.." and help, hoping that that person will help you when you really need it.

d) Dunno, never think.

Deep down, I believe everyone wants to make their mark on the world, everyone wants to be recognized, be it writing that greatly influential Pullitzer-prize winning book, finding that miracle cure, owning the biggest mansion, driving the most expensive car. Nobody wants to reach a significant age and look back on the "Could haves, should haves, would haves..BUT..."

Hence, the sneaky competitiveness, stress and mad scramble for money, power and a good catch for a life partner, the particular order of priority depending on the individual. It's hard not to get caught up in the tide of things and feeling that you are wasting your life if you do not have a particular, ambitious goal in mind.

However, reading a recent email from a good friend about Charles Schultz's (the very successful creator of the Peanuts comic strip) philosophy in life sort of put things into perspective for me.

Schultz says that we might not be able to name the five richest people in the world, the last five Nobel and Pullitzer Prize winners or the last five Academy Award winners for Best Actor/Actress...

"None of us remember the headliners of yesterday. These are no second-rate achievers. They are the best in their fields. But the applause dies. Awards tarnish. Achievements are forgotten. Accolades and certificates are buried with their owners."-CS

But everyone will be able to name three friends who have helped them through a difficult patch, five people who have taught them something worthwhile, five people whom they enjoy spending time with and people who have made them feel appreciated and special.

"The people who make a difference in your life are not the ones with the most credentials, the most money, or the most awards. They are the ones that care." -CS

I think, albeit rather idealistically, I will continue being someone who cares.

posted by N.J.A.P.F. @ 2:05 AM