The Story with no End
I realize I've been neglecting my blog. I wonder if anyone even bothers to check it anymore...I've meant so many times in the past month to post an entry but somehow, something or other always popped up. I've been so incredibly busy and pre-occupied- work, planning a big BBQ bash, a friend's outstation wedding, trying to keep up some semblance of a 'happening' social life. Haha.
A million thoughts run through my mind at each waking moment (imagine how much I've thought about the past month!) and I often wish that there could be an auto-transcipt of my thoughts so I could re-read them and just understand myself a bit more.
Since this is my blog and all about me, let me tell you the story of my thoughts today.
Sometimes I feel I'm just living my life by going through the motions of being happy. Appearing cheerful so the people around me don't have to be uncomfortable or try to cheer me up, appearing strong and independent so people don't feel that they have to go out of their way to accomodate me. I do it so often, it's already become an integral part of me, fooling many, except the rare unlucky few who are privy to my innermost thoughts.
It's not to say that I haven't had the random spurts of happiness here and there- being given a day's off after gruelling 12-hour/day work-week, the simple joy of someone you look up to a lot calling you a friend, the sense of achievement and boost of confidence that you can be a great organizer after a successful bash, the girlish adrenaline rush of a good buy, the luxury of a wonderful facial but these are far and few in between. Oh, I know I'm luckier than most, I'm being over-emo and all that crap, but this is my self-absorbed rant, so just bear with me will ya?
I used to think, that the only way to move on was to get an answer. Naive me thought that just like every story has to have a beginning, there should be an ending. I sometimes think now that the quest for closure might just be a wild goose chace because I realize now that some stories start right in the middle or at the very end, and because silly me didn't know any better I thought that was the start. Chasing for an ending that had already occured, not very smart girl, you can do better than that!
Some stories end abruptly for no reason, characters just fall off the face of the Earth, into oblivion and Nothingness. That's because you didn't know it had already ended before it began for you. And you wait and you fret and you emote. Time to wisen up!
But some stories should never have been written in the first place. Or the authors had a 12 pm curfew and needed to go to bed because they had a 9am meeting tomorrow and had to pen off a few rubbish, senseless prose.
Maybe, just like this one.
Labels: Me myself and I
posted by N.J.A.P.F. @ 10:57 PM
2 Comments:
Ooo update! Well you might be running three stories at a time you know.
Missed the best BBQ party!
Hmmm word verification 'suppin'. And we're hungry.
May you allow me to say, THANK GOODNESS YOU ARE BACK ONTO THE BLOGOSPHERE!!! geez!!!!
It is a good thing I managed to meet you in reality for that wee 30mins. Was the greatest 30mins, fastest catchup we had for a long time. More to come ar!
And what story with no ending? Sometimes, think it as those 'stories' are in fact insignificantly minute so can't be claimed as stories. They're just abstracts. :)
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